The Art of Scraping By
by murdur
Summary: Loki is struggling to focus on his finals


Written for Mischief and Mistletoe holiday exchange on AO3. For LRRH17 and a school au prompt. Happy 2020!

* * *

Loki blinked rapidly but couldn't stop the heavy tear from dripping onto his flashcard, making ink seep and bleed, blurring the meticulous handwritten note. He sniffed and discreetly wiped the glistening path the tear had left down his nose away.

Loki had been in the library for nearly the entire day, spending the majority of that time hunched over his numerous textbooks, class notes, and a glowing laptop screen while meticulously transferring all of the most important information onto a stack of flashcards. He'd gotten up early to sneak out of the house he shared with his older brother near campus, knowing that he wouldn't have been able to get any studying done given the current circumstances.

It was a safe bet that the library would be one of the last places Thor would want to go, given that his football scholarship afforded him plenty of access to tutoring and support at the Student Athlete Center. So Loki had found a little known corner on the 3rd floor of the library and got to work studying for the upcoming finals he would soon be facing.

He had done a decent job for most of the morning and early afternoon, forgetting his troubles and immersing himself in writing out neat stacks of flashcards, color-coded by subject. But as the sun had slowly set he felt his mood sinking with it, lower and lower until he found himself reading the same passage in his textbook over and over again without absorbing an ounce of information. Perhaps double majoring in political science and philosophy had been an overreach. He had been so confident, and had been doing well but things were different now. Ever since the disastrous Thanksgiving dinner just the week before, Loki had been having a hard time focusing on his studies. Winter finals started tomorrow and he couldn't seem to hold information in his mind, couldn't recall things that had seemed so easy earlier in the semester.

Burying his face in his hands, Loki drew in a shaky breath. He was running out of time. It was all rather hopeless. What would happen if he failed?

Loki was also at the University on a scholarship, but unlike brawny Thor, his was purely academic. He had to keep his GPA up to continue receiving his funding and to preserve his hopes of being accepted into law school. Failing would mean asking his parents for financial support, which he would rather die than do at this point. Not that they couldn't afford it. Not that they hadn't given him plenty of it growing up. But that was before... Maybe he could just run away. Fake his own death and disappear into the night.

A loud throat clearing broke through the silence of the library. When he didn't lift his head from his hands, a swift kick rattled the leg of his chair, refusing to be ignored.

Loki rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his blurred vision enough to glare up at his invader. A young woman dressed in a deep read coat and with dark haired pulled back into a high pony stood above him, beaming.

"Loki!"

Sif. _ Shit. _ Sif, his brother's friend, his classmate, and his secret crush, was the last person he wanted to see in this state.

"You are exactly the person I wanted to see!" Her grin widened, taking in the spread of textbooks and note cards strewn in front of Loki. "I should have known you would be here."

He'd met Sif just earlier that semester, when he'd traded up from his old dorm room to sharing a house with his brother Thor near campus. Several of Thor's teammates shared an apartment nearby and Sif so happened to live with three of them. That summer, before the semester started, she'd come over to their house a few times with a group of other jocks. Loki had mostly stayed out of their way, but once he'd laid eyes on her it was game over. Not only was she strikingly beautiful, but Loki found himself utterly drawn to her - that voice, the way she would smile at his jokes, even when he thought no one had heard. The butterflies were undeniable but he had accepted that he would likely only ever see her when he lurked in the living room while everyone else watched some mind numbing sports on the television. He had been pleasantly surprised to see her in one of his classes a few weeks later. And then another, and another, given that she apparently was also pursuing her political science degree and considering a path to law school.

"Hello, Sif," Loki nodded at her and sat up in his chair, straightening his collar and running his fingers quickly through his hair, trying to regain his sense of control.

"Are you alright?" Her brows pulled together in concern, and then one raised in friendly accusation. "Have you been drinking or smoking? Your eyes are all red."

"I think it's the sleep deprivation," Loki only half lied. He really hadn't been getting much rest, unable to turn his mind off.

"You look like shit."

"Nice to see you, too."

Sif dropped her book bag onto the floor and sat heavily into the chair across the table from Loki. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold outside, and Loki couldn't help but admire the way it made her skin glow. She looked at all of his study materials again. "Seems like you've been working hard."

"Mmm," Loki responded noncommittally. He tried to keep his panic from rising up again. Less than 12 hours until his first final and he was so screwed. He was surprised to see his internal feelings suddenly mirrored on Sif's face, her smile morphing into a look of concern. She glanced briefly up at him and then back down to the table, reaching out to pick up a stack of flashcards.

"Look," she sighed, "I don't like admitting this but I'm starting to feel a little desperate. It's been impossible to study with Fandral, Hogun, and Volstagg at home and well...I have a proposition." She must have seen the doubt in his eyes because she added: "It will be mutually beneficial."

"I'm listening," Loki gestured for her to continue. This was usually the moment when his old friends would ask to copy his homework or attempt to bribe him to write a paper for them.

"I will buy you an obviously much needed coffee if you use your flashcards to quiz me."

Usually he enjoyed studying alone, not liking to slow down to make sure some buffoon could keep up, and not wanting to give anyone else a leg up or profit off of his hard work. But this felt different. Sif was obviously intelligent given the insightful questions she posed in their Religion and World Politics course. And the prospect of spending time with her, just the two of them, was too enticing to pass up.

"May I actually have the coffee first?" Loki asked.

"What, you don't trust me to keep my word?" She made an offended face.

"No, it's not that," he smiled. "Well, not just that." His shin received a soft kick under the table from her booted foot and she rolled her eyes. "I need to get out of here, get some air or something before I completely lose my grip."

"Well let's go then," she stood up and offered her hand to him. He took it, feeling an electric thrill at the contact of her strong grip and let her pull him up.

Walking out in the snow, Loki gulped in the crisp air, letting it clear his mind a bit and trying to forget his previous concerns. He slid his eyes to the woman walking next to him and his heart jumped a little when he met her eyes, caught her looking at him. She didn't look away though, and her bold gaze made him feel slightly vulnerable underneath the flutter of his heart. She was so lovely.

"What is it?" he asked, self-consciously pushing a strand of black hair off of his forehead that had been blown free in the nighttime breeze.

"I was just thinking about how different you are," Sif squinted her eyes, still smiling. "You and your brother don't look alike at all."

"Ah," Loki managed, feeling his stomach drop a bit at the mention of Thor. He didn't say anything further, keeping pace as Sif led him into the student union building and to the small coffee shop inside.

"Alright," she spread her arm in a grand gesture, "whatever your heart desires."

Loki felt his cheeks flush a bit at her words, thinking of the secret desires of his heart was dangerous territory when it came to Sif. He stepped up to the counter, ignoring his impossible daydreams and gave his usual order.

"A large americano with an extra shot, please."

"Ugh," Sif wrinkled her nose and stepped next to him. "And a large cocoa with extra whipped cream for me, please."

"Really?" He tried to suppress a laugh. "Hot chocolate?"

"Oh hush," she bumped her shoulder into his. "Don't get all haughty on me. Not everyone likes to drink hot liquid tar, some of us treat our taste buds with respect."

He felt a warmth spread through him at her teasing smile and her familiar, casual contact. They grabbed their drinks and found a small table tucked into a corner to settle into.

"I'm glad I found you," she smiled at him, using her finger to scoop off whipped cream from the top of her drink and happily licking it away. The blush overtook Loki, burning all the way up to the tips of his ears.

Wishing he wasn't affected by such a simple thing, he noted how a stray dark strand of her hair curled against her neck. Loki allowed a familiar flutter in his chest to surface. He usually shoved it away, down, down, down to only think of when he was alone. He was helplessly drawn to her, admired her smarts just as much as her beauty.

She caught him staring but only smiled. "You ready, Odinson?"

"Don't call me that," he snapped but then his voice suddenly lost its power. "Please. I'm not..."

"But your brother," her brows were drawn together in confusion but he cut her off.

"He's not my brother." Loki could feel the tears stinging his eyes, and looked away in shame and bitterness. "He never was."

"Loki?" Sif reached across the table, he hand resting tentatively against his, his palm spread flat trying to find purchase in his despair.

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation mixed with days of emotional volatility or the strong caffeine now flowing like fire through his veins. Perhaps it was her beautiful concerned face and the steady touch of her hand. Whatever the cause, the whole truth came spilling out, in a hurried, stilted, confusing rush. He told her everything that took place on Thanksgiving break, how while looking in the family safe for his social security card, he'd come across an old photograph in a manila folder labeled with his name. He'd never seen the picture before, it was of a baby being held by a young woman, just a girl really, he'd never seen before in a hospital bed.

It was an odd way to discover that he had been adopted, a family secret that had been kept from him until he brought out the photograph at the family at the dinner table and the truth had come out, messy and painful. He thought of his mother's, no not his mother's, crumpled face as he'd run out into the night and driven away and felt his eyes smart.

"It's all been a lie," the pain of betrayal loosed a single tear down his cheek. He took a shaky breath. "I'm not who I thought I was."

Sif's hand curled steadfast and warm around his. "I'm sorry you are going through this. I cannot imagine the pain."

Loki couldn't respond, couldn't look at her. This was something out of his nightmares, weeping in front of his secret crush. But she didn't pull away.

"Perhaps this circumstance, finding out you are not what you were told to be, this is simply an opportunity to start making your own path. You can choose who you want to be." She gave his hand a small squeeze. "I have no doubt you are capable of great things."

"That's very kind of you," Loki sniffed, feeling genuinely touched. Sif was the first person he had told this secret to. Aside from Thor, whom he had been avoiding, no one else knew the truth. It felt like a weight being lifted off of his shoulders to be able to have someone to confide in. Someone to listen. Sif stoically waited while he brushed the tear from his cheek and took a steadying breath.

"Are you still feeling up to do some studying?"

"Yes," Loki was relieved to change the subject away from himself and grateful for her steady presence. "Please. If you want to take a flashcard?"

Sif obliged, pulling a rectangle of paper from the middle of the waiting pile. "Summarize Huntington's clash of civilizations theory."

"Could you have picked an easier question?" Loki chided with a smirk.

"Oh, please," Sif laughed and kicked him playfully under the table. "Let's hear it then, smartypants."

When they were finally shooed out of the student union building by the custodian, the bells on the university clock tower were chiming midnight. When the bells stopped, Loki and Sif stood side by side, the world suddenly soft and quiet in the gently falling snow. Loki felt happy, content. Confident for upcoming exams. He felt peaceful.

Sif turned and threw her arms around him, standing on her toes to embrace him fully, her chin tucked over his shoulder.

"You saved my life tonight. Now I won't fail out of my program and be forced to drop out."

Loki froze in surprise. His stomach swooped, enjoying the warmth of her embrace and the lovely smell of her shampoo, or perhaps perfume.

'Thank you, Loki."

Oh, how soft his name sounded in her mouth just then. Tentatively, afraid to ruin this perfect, longed for moment, he wrapped his arms around her."

"No, it's I who should be thanking you." He couldn't raise his voice above a whisper. "Tonight has been the first time in weeks that I've felt a positive emotion."

"We're gonna be ok." Sif pulled back to look at him with a kind smile, and kept one hand on his shoulder. "It's all going to be ok."

Loki simply nodded, swallowing down a tender lump that threatened to rise, and offered her his own smile.

"Get some sleep, if you can with all that caffeine," Sif adjusted her backpack straps and started to walk towards the library parking lot. "See you tomorrow."

"See you," Loki raised his hand in farewell, waiting until she turned a corner before making his way through the snow to his own vehicle. Falling into bed that night, he felt lighter than he had in weeks and for once did not fear for haunted dreams.

The next morning, Loki pulled his car into the campus parking lot plenty early, neatly avoiding the rush of students navigating the snowy roads. When he got out of his vehicle, his feet carried him into the student union building. When he emerged a few minutes later, he had an extra spring in his step and two warm cups in his hands.

Entering the lecture hall in the social sciences building, Loki's eyes scanned the room for that familiar black ponytail and quickly spotted it near the front.

"Good morning," Loki greeted when he neared her seat.

"Loki!" Sif's smile was bright, making his fool heart leap.

"I got you something," he raised his left hand, at the same moment Sif said "This is for you," and held up one of two coffee cups from her desk.

They had both shown up to the exam with a twin order of coffee and cocoa. Loki felt heat in his ears and warmth in his chest, flustered but pleased that she'd thought of him. He couldn't help but admire the lovely blush that colored Sif's cheeks too.

"Cheers," she laughed, accepting his cup to hold both cocoas in her hands and tapping them against Loki's cups.

"To good fortune and passing grades," Loki proposed the toast.

"Hmm, no luck needed," Sif pondered a moment and then touched his cups again. "To good friends and dedication."

Loki nodded in acceptance of her modification, trying not to let his spirit drop. Friends. He was just her friend.

"We are so going to kick this exam's ass," Sif whispered as Loki took the seat next to her and their professor called for quiet. She winked at him. "See you on the other side."

Two hours later, Loki walked out of the lecture hall, trying to restrain his growing elation. Sif walked next to him, looping her arm through his and chattering excitedly.

"That was a breeze," Sif crowed. "I usually hate blue book exams, but your flashcards were so brilliant I filled up every single page. How do you feel?"

"Wonderful," Loki confessed without hesitation, glancing down into her bright eyes. "You were a great study partner."

"We do make a pretty good team," Sif untangled her arm from his when they neared the student union and stepped off the pathway. "What's next for you?"

"History of Ancient Philosophy in a few hours. You?"

"Nothing else for me today," Sif smiled softly up at him in the bright winter sunlight. "Can I buy you another coffee?"

"I think I've had more than enough caffeine for one day, thanks to your extra gift," Loki held up his second cup with the last dregs of remaining coffee.

"Oh, of course." To Loki's surprise, Sif's face fell. "Well, I guess I'll let you prep for philosophy."

"How about dinner instead?" Loki proposed quickly. "My treat this time."

He was delighted to she her smile return. "Will you be bringing your flashcards?"

"Do you want me to?"

Sif pondered for a moment, searching his eyes. She shook her head softly. "No, I just want your company tonight."

"Then you'll have it," Loki breathed, softer than he intended.

"Pick me up at 7:00." Sif's smile grew. When had she stepped closer?

"It's a date," he responded.

"Good," Sif whispered and then pushed her lips against his, kissing him swift and unashamedly. He barely even had time to register, let alone react, respond, before she had stepped passed him, walking down the pathway and calling over her shoulder. "See you tonight."

Loki stood for a moment, letting one finger gingerly touch his tingling lips before turning towards the library doors. He doubted very much that he would be able to fully concentrate on his next final and found that it didn't much bother him, feeling confident that this semester's end was destined to lead him down a wonderful, if unexpected path. He couldn't wait to see what the future held.


End file.
